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Thread: Family Fun Jokes - Post Them Here

  1. #21
    Rpoints Elite LinBaden
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    Quote Originally Posted by rockhermit
    Did you hear about the dyslexic prostitute....

    Got a job in a Warehouse

    carphone whorehouse?



    Did you hear about the dyslexic, insomniac man with religious doubts?


    He lay awake at nights wondering if there really is a dog.

  2. #22
    Ric
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    Office Assistant


  3. #23
    FTD
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    A Marine stationed in Afghanistan recently received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home.
    It read as follows:

    Dear Ricky,
    I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.

    Love, Becky


    The Marine, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow Marines for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters, ex-girlfriends, aunts, cousins etc.
    In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his
    buddies.

    There were 57 photos in that envelope....along with this note....


    Dear Becky,

    I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the hell you are.
    Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.

    Take Care,

    Ricky

  4. #24
    Enthusiast Nanny Rose
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    George Bush Jr. has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the devil
    is waiting for him.

    "I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You're on my list but
    I have no room for you.

    You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do.
    I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll
    let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let
    YOU decide who leaves."

    George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed. The devil opened the
    first room: In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept
    diving in and surfacing empty-handed over and over and
    over. Such was his fate in hell.

    "No!" George said. " I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and don't
    think I could do that all day long."

    The devil led him to the next room: In it was Ronald Reagan with a sledge
    hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that
    hammer, time after time after time.

    "No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant
    agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!"' commented George.
    The devil opened a third door.

    In it, George saw Bill Clinton, lying
    on the floor with his arms folded behind his head, and his legs staked
    in a spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what
    she does best. George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and
    finally said,

    "Yeah, I can handle this."

    The devil smiled and said. "OK, Monica, you're free to go!"

  5. #25
    Ric
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    How can this be?

    A Hawaiian woodpecker and a Californian woodpecker were arguing about which place had the toughest trees.
    The Hawaii woodpecker said Hawaii had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.
    The California woodpecker accepted his challenge, and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem.
    The Hawaiian woodpecker was in awe.
    The California woodpecker then challenged the Hawaiian woodpecker to peck a tree in California that was absolutely unpeckable.
    The Hawaii woodpecker expressed confidence he could do it, so accepted the challenge.
    After flying to California, the Hawaii woodpecker successfully pecked the tree with no problem.
    So the two woodpeckers were now confused. How is it that the Californian woodpecker was able to peck the Hawaiian tree and the Hawaiian woodpecker was able to peck the Californian tree, but neither one was able to peck the tree in their own state?
    After much woodpecker-pondering, they both came to the same conclusion......













    Your pecker is always harder when you're away from home.

  6. #26
    Expert jammygreeny
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    Do homeless people really get knock knock jokes?

  7. #27
    Expert jammygreeny
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    a dyslexic walks into a bra...

  8. #28
    Expert jammygreeny
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    Why do all Iraqi soldiers carry a piece of sandpaper?
    They need a map

  9. #29
    Contributor cool_dude
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    A young boy goes to his father and asks, "What is Politics?"

    Dad says, "Well, son, let me explain it this way...I am the breadwinner
    of
    the family, so let's call me Capitalism".

    "Your mom, she's the administrator of the household, so we'll call her
    the
    Government."

    "We're here to take care of you, so we'll call you the People."

    "The Nanny, well, she works hard all day for very little money, so we
    will
    call her the Working Class."

    "And your baby brother-we'll call him The Future."

    "Now think about that and see if it makes sense."

    So the boy thinks about it as he is falling asleep. In the night, he
    hears
    his little brother crying, so he gets up to see what's wrong.

    He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So he goes to
    his
    parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to disturb
    her, he goes to the nanny's room, but the door is locked.

    Peeping through the keyhole, he sees his dad in bed with the nanny, so
    he
    gives up and goes back to bed.

    Next morning he tells his father he thinks he understands the concept
    of
    politics. "Really?" says his dad, "That was quick. Tell me, in your own
    words what you think politics is all about."

    The young boy replies: "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working
    Class, the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and
    the
    Future is in deep sh!t"

  10. #30
    Jim
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    If the Eskimos have a thousand different words for "snow," does this
    mean the French have a thousand different words for "surrender?"


 

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