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Thread: OVER 18's Jokes - Post Them Here

  1. #2081
    Legend & Competitions Guru RudeKev has a reputation beyond repute RudeKev has a reputation beyond repute RudeKev has a reputation beyond repute RudeKev has a reputation beyond repute RudeKev has a reputation beyond repute RudeKev has a reputation beyond repute RudeKev has a reputation beyond repute RudeKev has a reputation beyond repute RudeKev has a reputation beyond repute RudeKev has a reputation beyond repute RudeKev has a reputation beyond repute
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    Oh, I Wish I'd Looked After Me Tits By Pam Ayres Oh, I wish I'd looked after me dear old knockers, Not flashed them to boys behind the school lockers, Or let them get fondled by randy old dockers, Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits. 'Cos now I'm much older and gravity's winning. It's Nature's revenge for all that sinning, And those dirty memories are rapidly dimming, Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits. 'Cos tits can be such troublesome things When they no longer bounce, but dangle and swing. And although they go well with my Bingo wings, I wish I'd looked after me tits. When they're both long enough to tie up in a bow, When it's not the sweet chariot that swings low, When they're less of a friend and more of a foe, Then I wish I'd looked after me tits. When I was young I got whistles and hoots, From the men on the site to the men in the suits, Now me nipples get stuck in the zips on me boots, Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits. When I was younger I rode bikes and scooters, Cruising around with my favourite suitors. Now the wheels get entangled with my dangling hooters, I wish I'd looked after me tits. When they follow behind and get trapped in the door, When they're less in the air and more near the floor, When people see less of them rather than more, Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits. Pass on to all your female girlfriends of a certain age and to any males of that age, Who you think can handle it......despite of themselves!!!!
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  2. #2082
    Legend & Competitions Guru RudeKev has a reputation beyond repute RudeKev has a reputation beyond repute RudeKev has a reputation beyond repute RudeKev has a reputation beyond repute RudeKev has a reputation beyond repute RudeKev has a reputation beyond repute RudeKev has a reputation beyond repute RudeKev has a reputation beyond repute RudeKev has a reputation beyond repute RudeKev has a reputation beyond repute RudeKev has a reputation beyond repute
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    A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, 'What's the story?' He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor' She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'
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  3. #2083
    Junior Member mbk3boeheim is an unknown quantity at this point
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    A man approached a very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and said, "I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

    The woman looked puzzled. "Why do you want to talk to me?" she asked.

    "Because every time I talk to a woman with beautiful tits like yours, my wife appears out of nowhere"
    RudeKev likes this.

  4. #2084
    Legend & Competitions Guru RudeKev has a reputation beyond repute RudeKev has a reputation beyond repute RudeKev has a reputation beyond repute RudeKev has a reputation beyond repute RudeKev has a reputation beyond repute RudeKev has a reputation beyond repute RudeKev has a reputation beyond repute RudeKev has a reputation beyond repute RudeKev has a reputation beyond repute RudeKev has a reputation beyond repute RudeKev has a reputation beyond repute
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    Me new girlfriend has been offered a job modelin bras.
    She has wonderful things in front of her
    and soon they will be modelin bras!
    Last edited by RudeKev; 19th December 2011 at 04:22 PM.
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  5. #2085
    Contributor sunnychuckle is an unknown quantity at this point
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    At the end of a tiny deserted bar in Liverpool sat a Scouser. He was having a few beers, when a short, well dressed, and obviously gay man walked in and sat beside him.
    After three or four beers, the gay man got the courage to say a few words to the Scouser.
    Leaning over towards him, he whispered, "Do you want a blow job?"
    At this, the Scouser leapt up with fire in his eyes, and smacked the shit out of the gay man, knocking him swiftly off his stool. He proceeded to beat him all the way out of the bar, before leaving him bruised and battered in the parking lot, and returning to his seat.
    Amazed, the bartender quickly brought over another beer to the Scouser, and said, "I've never seen you react like that. What did he say to you?"
    "I don't know," the Scouser replied, "sumtin abowt a job."

  6. #2086
    Contributor sunnychuckle is an unknown quantity at this point
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    A group of primary school infants, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to Cheltenham races to see and learn about thoroughbred horses.
    When it was time to take the children to the toilet, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.
    The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's toilet when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal…
    Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their underpants, and began hoisting the boys up, one by one, holding their willies to direct the flow away from their clothes.
    As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, “You must be in year four.”
    "No, love," he replied. "I'm riding Silver Arrow in the 2.15"

  7. #2087
    Contributor sunnychuckle is an unknown quantity at this point
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    The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.
    Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad’s farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.'
    The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate, not fascinating'.
    Sally raised her hand. She said, 'My family went to see RockCity and I was 'fascinated.' The teacher said, 'Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.'
    Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before.
    She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him.
    Little Johnny said, 'My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight.'
    The teacher sat down and cried.

  8. #2088
    Contributor sunnychuckle is an unknown quantity at this point
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    A Greek and an Italian were talking one day, discussing who had the superior culture. Over coffee, the Greek says "Well, we have the Parthenon."
    The Italian replies "We have the Coliseum."
    The Greek retorts "We Greeks gave birth to mathematics."
    The Italian, nodding, says "But we built the Roman Empire ".
    And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says "We invented sex!"
    The Italian replies "That is true, but it was the Italians who included women.”
    Just because I said it, it doesn't mean I meant it

  9. #2089
    Junior Member Herzxian is an unknown quantity at this point
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    Haha ...freut mich.









    sony xperia z3 schutzhülle
    Last edited by Herzxian; 31st May 2015 at 03:49 AM.


 

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